Everyone goes through a break-up sometime in their lives and no matter how many times we all go through them, they are still devastating and earth shattering. We have all heard the tell tale that “if you want to get over someone; get under someone”, while that method has worked for a lot of people it is not always a great idea.
After a break-up it is normal to feel scared, sad, angry and other emotions too. You need to remember that it’s okay to feel those emotions after a break up and you need to feel like that in order to move on. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship, give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the relationship and experience all the hurt that it causes. There are healthier ways of dealing with a break up and I have written a few, this is not a guarantee that you will get over a break up, however these steps will make the break-up less severe.
1. Keep Your Distance
Even though you might think it’s a good idea to stay friends or even stay in contact with your ex because you feel like you are an emotional ninja and will be able to handle it, don’t do it. Block him/her on what’s app, Facebook, Instagram, Gtalk, Snapchat etc. That will enable you to move on because there’s nothing that is holding you back, or distracting you from the process of getting over the break up.
2. Remove Painful Memory Triggers
A song, smell, clothing or pictures, whatever it is that might trigger your memory and derail you get rid of it. If it is a piece of jewellery that you might want to keep (I don’t recommend this) for the long term, just put it away for the mean time until your emotions settle down.
3. Beware Of Rebound Relationships
Also this one is for the emotional ninjas out there; If you feel like you are ready to take on the responsibility of maintaining a rebound relationship by all means do that, people often get into relationships quickly following a break up, rebound relationships are common but not always a good idea.
4. Start An Intense Aggression-Based Workout Routine
Maybe Pilates are not a good idea for now, let’s try some kickboxing.
5. Stop Blaming Yourself
It takes two people to break-up; clearly the relationship didn’t work out. Take this as a journey to new beginnings, work on yourself, do the entire thing that you always wanted to do. Never blame yourself.
6. Remind your family and friends to keep your ex out of the conversation
This one is pretty obvious; ask them to be sensitive when it comes to your ex. and not bring him/her up in conversations.
7. Restore your social Life
A lot of people isolate themselves from friends and family when they get into a relationship, focusing all their energy on the person they are with. So a time like this is perfect for rebuilding those relationships, or making new ones.
8. Take it day at a time
There are no deadlines. Trust the process and understand that your adjustment can be as gradual as you need it to be. It’ll happen as you become ready for it.
9. See hope as an important part of coping.
For now, you may be holding onto the hope that you’ll figure out how to win back your beloved. But as you grieve and adjust, your hope can change direction—perhaps to hoping that you can create a happy life for yourself—with or without this person.
10. Remind yourself that you still have a future
When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
You’ll need to be honest with yourself during this part of the healing process. Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. If you are able to objectively examine your own choices and behavior, including the reasons why you chose your former partner, you’ll be able to see where you went wrong and make better choices next time.